Letters From Sunniva

by Anthony Lee Phillips

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credits

released 12 September 2011

Music by Anthony Lee Phillips with Wyattq Blue, Caya Berndt, Amelia Ingle, Jacob Henthorn and James Bertis. Produced by Anthony Lee Phillips, James Bertis, and Wyattq Blue. Mastering by Raymond Helton. Artwork by Caya Berndt

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Track Name: Curtain Call
There’s a new home for me just outside
That door; look how it swings its way open
Take your time; I’ve got the rest of my life
And I’m willing to take things as I go

Just as I go
Just as I go

There’s a new song on the tip of my lips
It’s begging to be sung, but the words don’t seem to come
The curtain starts to close on the scene as it dies away
Our love didn’t even last until the curtain call

But I’ll let life take you
As you let life…
Go

What are your thoughts on romance and loneliness?
What are your thoughts on how I’ve been?
Did you forget about me yesteryear?
I forgave you; is this the other side of ignorance?

I’m sorry for the questions
Well, I’m not so sorry after all
Here we go
Yeah, here I go…
Track Name: Whirlpools (And The Turbulence Which They Imply)
She stands upon the sand that’s soft against her toes
The sunset bathing her in twilight
And as she hugs herself, her memory returns and chills her skin
And she says

“I wish we could stay this way forever, twirling and dancing with the ocean
Why can’t we just stay this way forever?”

The waves (like arms or blankets, tight against her skin)
Envelope her with crashing sighs
And she dances on and wades into the sea
The waves come down and drown her

I wish we could stay this way forever, twirling and dancing with the ocean
Why can’t we just stay this way forever?

As they waltz suspended
They cry into the night without a hint of sorrow
Track Name: Our Morning
Our morning smells of friction, of skin verses skin
Our lovely days ran from us, I chased them away
No doubt someday we will have a chance, but not right now
For now, we separate and let each other grow

Our morning smells of passion, lovely and expired
Our drifting days ran by, how far have they run?
I feel this silence drifting; it’s tearing us apart
And I can’t help but feel that it’s friendship that we have lost

Our charity is not about to pay us back
I think it’s everything we’ve lost that holds us back

Our morning smells of good intent and living love
Of crimson stains on bed sheets, wet and left corrupt
Can you tell me that it’s me you’ve lost when I’m the one you’ve hidden from?
I have mistakes of my own, but I’m still yours

Clinging to the pieces of a shattered heart
I feel like the pressure I have placed still holds us back
I hold us back
Track Name: The End Of Patience
Jesus has said to me “Turn the other cheek”
Not this time; I’m walking away
Your face and my dreams (once one and the same)
Have now parted to dreams and daily nightmares

You were my…
Always my favorite

I can’t believe it had to end this way
I can’t simply look the other way and leave you behind
Like I’m going to

Sometimes I wonder, when sobriety comes
Who’s gonna save you from what you are?
There’s nothing left of you beneath the skin
Only desperation knows your name

You were my…
Always my favorite

I can’t believe it had to end this way
I can’t wait for you to see what we’ve lost (look at what we’ve lost)
Open your eyes

Dearest mistake of mine
You let all the light reflect away from, but never through you
Now you’ve let us wither away, I am
Bent to sprout from this shit that you feed me, I’m reaching up towards the Sun…

You were my…
Always my…

I can’t believe it had to end…
I can’t, baby, I can’t take this anymore, I’m saying goodbye
Goodbye
Track Name: Sapphire & Grace
When you said “I’m sorry,” I tried not to listen
When you said that you really weren’t happy, my world broke
Hold on for just second while I take some time to bathe within your eyes
If I could have one last kiss, it would mean the world to me

Your smile is the light to my world
Please make the darkness go away
I love everything about you
I love the way you kissed my lips
But now your kiss is gone

I’m sorry that I pressed too hard against your patience
When I tried not to listen, I processed every word you said
Hold on before you leave me, please just share one last breath before you go
For the last time, beautiful and cautious and pale in the lack of Sunshine

Your smile was the light to my world
You left the darkness to kill the light
I love you
I loved everything about you
I loved the way you kissed my lips
Before our fall from grace

When I said “I love you,” did you take me for a liar?
Sometimes I wish that I was, but I’m not, and I do
Track Name: (The Romance Between) Clowns & Understudies
Welcome back to Planet Earth
Long time, no see
I want to know how you feel
Has Vicodin cured your problems since All Hallow’s Eve?
When did you stand in for the girl I loved?
“Love” is in the past tense
…“Sex” is in the past tense

Truth be told, I don’t know how to tell the truth quite recently
Stop and stare at what I’ve become:
An actor; a liar; an actor who knows his craft
I live a lie…let me live this lie

This night is a haven of apology
So says my dreaming, thrashing, aching, paranoid consciousness
Has reality awoken?
Its dreams have been disturbing us since before the month of August passed
Yesteryear was a painful one that left my confidence crawling towards the horizon
Staggered and unstitched

Truth be told, I don’t know how to tell the truth quite recently
Stop and stare and raindrops from the crying sky
They bear bad news and a fresh new dawn within the coming hours of morning light
To end a season of night

This night is a crash course on reality
My lips are bleeding the sweet nectar of hypocrisy
Have I really been sleeping since the summer stopped?

Welcome back to the Circus Factory
Your clown is not waiting here for you (anymore)
I’m not sitting at the GEE-TAR stand with the assumption that all will be fine
Even when May ends
This blue ink has finally dried, but the page has been ripped into pieces
This pink heart is growing back from the ashes
Track Name: Second Person Stillframe
You were the finest specimen
Holding us together like glue
You were the Sun
You brightened our smiles
I guess it just was not your time

Sunniva…

Do you feel the bitterness surrounding these echoes?
Do you feel that I am my father’s son?
Do you take remorse in what you could have been?
Do you take remorse that she is her mother’s child?

This place brings forth these memories of you
And our Sun is setting
We held so close, yet didn’t seem to last
Righteous vengeance, I suppose

Sunniva…
I’m sorry…
I am

How high do you soar above these broken hearts?
Broken souls?
Broken wings?
Are you falling?

Do you feel that I am my father’s son?
I am my father’s son

You are ever present in my mind, watching over me
As I failed to do for you
Track Name: (This Is What I Call) Moving On
Today, you can talk to all your friends
About the horror of my hair when it’s been cut short
Today, you can surely find it in yourself to at least insult me
Sometimes, I still exist

Sometimes, I can hear who I used to be
Talking to who you were
Sometimes…
Sometimes, I can feel you when you’re gone
I can hear you in my head
You’re never far

Today, you can flaunt it in my face that I am flawed and broken
Groveling again
Today, you can surely find yourself at the bottom of this well
Waiting for me to ask you if you love me still

Can you hear who you used to be,
Talking to who I was?
Do you?
Do you…
Can you feel me when I’m gone?
Do I echo in your head? Am I often far?
Baby, that’s too bad

Can you hear who you used to be,
Talking to who I was?
Do you?
Do you…
Can you feel me when I’m gone?
Do I echo in your head? Am I often far?
Are you moving on?
Track Name: Happiness
I never thought I’d forgive the past that follows me
I never even imagined I’d forget the beauty of the blanket that tucks the moon in

I know the notes in my soul, I just haven’t heard the words
Resolution
O, dearest Resolution, you have cured my broken heartbeat
I am at peace
Back in the back of my mind, I stare at this glowing alphabet
And I see the brightest of smiles

I never thought I’d forgive the demons chasing me
At my fingertips I can taste the dawn that’s coming soon
No longer am I the pawn that looks past the truth

I can feel the breeze
Though biting, it relieves the hottest of Suns and sweat stains
Though unborn, the Sun remains a light to shine and brighten the weary road
Pictures of the past are forgotten and taken away to the fire’s embrace
Does it seem as bright as it feels?

I never thought I’d forgive myself so easily
The moon is falling, and I feel the dawn approaching slowly
Slowly—O, so slow!

So this is what butterflies do for a living
And this is how Happiness makes me feel
This is how my heart stops when you’re here with me
And this is how the Sun hides when you’re not around
Track Name: Letters From Earth
Dear Sunniva,

Can you hear me? This letter is for you. I didn’t really “live through.” My only regret is that fatherhood was the bane of all I wanted to last, of all that I once loved… But you live on in my heart.

So tell me, darling, do you know that I love you? I’ll always love you. I wish I… God, I wish I could say something more. There’s a return address scribbled on this heart… Do I mistake you for God? Are you the light that has guided me this far? Are you the Sun, hidden behind these rainy afternoon skies? Are you the Sun, hidden behind the Seattle Sunday that my days have been trying to impersonate?

Write back soon.

Love,
Daddy